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Author Topic: To my pet:  (Read 3942 times)
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catbird
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« on: February 02, 2012, 10:18:18 AM »

If you could write to your pet, what would you like to say?

Here's my letter for today:

Dearest Linley,

Yes, you once weighed only a pound or so and could easily have run up the drapes. However, you now weigh over 16 pounds, and this action presents some complications when you attempt it. Or perhaps you were communicating dissatisfaction with the current decor?

I am sure that if you thought I should redecorate, you could have communicated it in some less dramatic way. I did discard the drapery rod that developed a curvature after last night’s “incident”, and have patched the holes in the wall resulting from your rather forceful removal of same rod.

I will be shopping for a new drapery rod soon. Please tell me if what I purchase does not meet your specifications before I attach it to the wall.

Sincerely,
Your landlady
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The problem with cats is that they get the exact same look on their face whether they see a moth or an axe-murderer--Paula Poundstone
Sandi K
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« Reply #1 on: February 02, 2012, 11:10:40 AM »

ROFL, catbird!  Uh oh, dear Linley.  Gotta love this kitty-cat.   Kiss Cheesy
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Sandi K
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« Reply #2 on: February 02, 2012, 11:36:52 AM »

OK here's my letter, though not near as wonderful as catbird's to dearest Linley!   Cheesy

Dear Ms Sophers,

I do totally understand that you had an upset tum-tum this morning....while laying on the highest perch possible of your beloved kitty twee....the same kitty twee that you have ignored for months, until this morning.  Roll Eyes What I dont understand is when you do have an upset tum-tum, why is it that the perfectly good vinyl flooring in the kitchen, the perfectly fine laminate flooring downstairs or the more than adequate slate tile in the entry ways doesnt seem to be good enough for you to heave onto.  OK, OK, I get it if you were on top of the twee and couldnt get down before throwing up but lets face it, there have been many times in your 4 years or so that you have actually been sitting on the vinyl, laminate, or tiles when getting ready to puke, only to walk away and specifically aim for the carpet instead.  That I dont get.    

A perfect solution to the problem would be if you would just raise a paw whenever you are getting ready to heave, and I would come running or even better yet, how bout just mozy on over to the vinyl, laminate or tiles and deposit what you need to deposit.   But you being Sophs and all, I would be just pleased as punch, to start with, if in the future, you could maybe just not get on top of the kitty twee when you have an upset tum-tum.  Now dont get me wrong, I do appreciate that when you have poo-poo problems, that you are going in your litterbox so dont misunderstand this to mean Im not grateful and that you should start going poo on the carpet now as well.  Now that I think of it, maybe I shouldnt have said anything at all about the throw-up all over the kitty twee and the wall.  OK never mind, keep on with what you feel is best...just dont go poo on the carpet now.  Sorry, your meowm.  
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Fizzy1
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« Reply #3 on: February 02, 2012, 12:31:53 PM »

Oh dear Mr. Linley!  LOL.  Maybe he's shooting for that luxurious unobstructed view of the outdoors Wink

And dear Ms. Sophers, you better be more careful, you don't want to risk forcing your staff to quit!  You've invested so much time and energy in training her Grin
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I once asked a four year old what the secret of life was.  "Feed the kitties," she said, "Feed the kitties."--Ellis Felker
catbird
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« Reply #4 on: February 02, 2012, 12:51:14 PM »

Is there an abbreviation for "laughing until my sides hurt"?   Grin  Oh, how well you understand Sophers, Sandi!  Grin

(If Linley takes down the drapes again, I swear my family will just have to endure sun on the TV screen, and the neighbors will have to just get over it that they can see us walking around in bathrobes...)
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The problem with cats is that they get the exact same look on their face whether they see a moth or an axe-murderer--Paula Poundstone
Mandycat
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« Reply #5 on: February 03, 2012, 12:24:29 AM »

 Cheesy   Cheesy   Cheesy 
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catwoods
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« Reply #6 on: February 03, 2012, 03:17:00 PM »

 Grin Grin Grin Grin Grin Both these letters gave me huge laughs!

I'm working on a letter to the Budster....
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lesliek
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« Reply #7 on: February 03, 2012, 06:12:24 PM »

 Grin Grin Obviously Linley feels its time to redecorate ! And Sandi everyone knows cats can't vomit on hard surfaces ! Or dogs  Tongue.
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catwoods
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« Reply #8 on: February 05, 2012, 01:36:21 PM »

Home Office Internal Memo

Attention: Budster

Regretfully I must inform you that your determination to nap on the keyboard does not help me run the computer. As you glide into the keyboard’s space I have to push it underneath a special alcove created to protect it from wandering paws. Although I allowed you to stay on occasion (your high-end weight means I cannot lift you off the desk), and I did stroke your fur, I can assure you that fur stroking does not have the effect on the computer screen that keystroking does. While I petted your lustrous furry self and you purred up a storm, making our own two spirits soar and sparkle together, the so-called ‘monitor’ sat right there and didn’t so much as flicker. Despite what you’ve heard about ‘smart phones’, we carbon-based beings can still read each other in ways silicon-based entities cannot.
 
I will pass on your suggestion to industry designers that they make a screen that will interface with a feline in place of the keyboard, although, now that I think of it, are you sure that idea didn’t come from Good Old Boy? He’s a bit of a trouble maker and you know to take anything he says with a stalk of cat grass, don’t you?

I’m a little flustered since we did make a space for you on the desk beside the chair, and the way you used to reach over and tap a person on the shoulder with your paw, that was really cute.

I have really tried to work with you, I’ve even switched to work that can be done by mouse alone during the times you take a notion to occupy the desk, only to be startled when you jumped up from the mouse side of the desk and nicked my wrist with a hind claw. To be fair, it only took a side trip to the kitchen and a dab of peroxide to fix it, and it’s entirely understandable why the mouse would interest you.

So I hope you will take this memo to heart and take advantage of other fine spaces, blankies, and beds created especially for you. We actually work for you, and we will become more efficient at keeping your bowl full of food if we can speed up our computer duties.

Sincerely,

Your devoted co-workers
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catbird
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« Reply #9 on: February 05, 2012, 04:06:27 PM »

Love that internal office memo!  Grin Grin Grin  Feline as interface--Yes, I can see a definite use for that!
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The problem with cats is that they get the exact same look on their face whether they see a moth or an axe-murderer--Paula Poundstone
lesliek
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« Reply #10 on: February 05, 2012, 05:16:36 PM »

 Grin Grin Maybe you need to forward that to Apple & Microsoft ? Who knows ,you could get rich !
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Sandi K
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« Reply #11 on: February 05, 2012, 05:43:31 PM »

ROFL catwoods!  Work?!  You mean you are really trying to work while having a cat around?   Grin  Kiss
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catwoods
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« Reply #12 on: February 07, 2012, 02:20:37 PM »

 Grin Grin Grin Maybe if we could somehow cash in on the cats' notions about computer improvements, we could slack off on the work...
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