I didn't have time to respond before - I really enjoyed this, Kaffe. Shakespeare and cats - two of my favorite things together!

OK, kaffe, you reminded me of the image of Cat Hamlet, which once caused this to happen:

Cat Hamlet might be over much sooner than the original.
Cat Hamlet wouldn't hesitate to engage the culprit uncle in a yowling and staring contest. They would then tangle up, disengage and take off running. Cat Hamlet would run uncle to the docks where he would disappear into the hold of a ship bound for Norway.
Cat Hamlet would then spray the borders and leave scent piles on the main roads around Denmark, to make sure the uncle does not return.
Meanwhile you know Cat Ophelia's not going anywhere near that water. She's curled up sleeping in the palace through all this.
Cat Hamlet would take one sniff of Yorick and make scratching motions on the ground.
When Cat Hamlet returns, he goes to sleep on the throne.
Feeling feisty from his victory, Cat Hamlet wakes, stretches, and grabs Cat Ophelia by the nape of the neck.
The curtain falls.
The audience either hisses en masse, or as a group, rolls around and purrs.

 

OMG, Catwoods!  That's a scream!!!   Now you got me going too!  This is an imperfect version, but here's what's playing in my imaginations:

ACT 1:  A ghostly but majestic Norwegian Forrest Cat struts the parapets of Cattery Elsinore in Denmark one deep wintry night.  Two Bengal cat guards and the philosopher Cat Horatio spots it and notes that the ghostly cat looks just like Hamlet Cat's dead sire - the former king.  They run and tell Hamlet Cat who springs to the cattery's parapets.  The ghostly Norwegian Forrest cat tells his son Cat Hamlet how he was murdered by Cat Hamlet's uncle - Creepy Crawler Claudius, who jumped him with poisoned claws while he was peacefully napping in the cattery's garden and since then usurped the cattery throne and mated with Queen Gorgeous Gertrude, the dainty Scottish Fold.  Hisssss!!!!  Oh, most perniciousssss!!!! Hisss.  Cat Hamlet is now obssessed with revenge.

ACT 2:  Queen Gorgeous Gertrude and King Creepy Crawler Claudius are alarmed by Cat Hamlet's erratic behavior and employ two cat spies, the Russian Blue Rossencrantz and the Birman Goldenstern - but Cat Hamlet is wise to their ploys.  The cattery buttler Pompous Polonius suggests to the King and Queen that their son and nephew Cat Hamlet may be mad with unrequited love for his daughter dainty Ragdoll Lady Kitty Ophelia. They set up a meeting between the two, but are dismayed when they hear Cat Hamlet hiss at Ragdoll Lady Kitty Ophelia and say "Get yourself spayed - I shall have no more mating!!!"  

ACT 3:   A pack of travelling Performing Ferral Cats visit Cattery Elsinore.  Cat Hamlet arranges for them to enact the murder of his sire, the Norwegian Forrest Cat, the former Cattery King.  During the performance, a terrible bout of inconvenient Conscience smites the heart of King Creepy Crawler Claudius and he runs to the cattery chapel to beg forgiveness from the Great Ceiling Cat for his crimes.  Cat Hamlet decides he cannot pounce and kill King Creepy Crawler Claudius thus engaged in pious prayer under the Holy Whiskers of the Great Ceiling Cat.  He decides to go to his mother, Queen Gorgeous Gertrude instead to tell her of the perfidy and duplicity of the murderous usurper King Creepy Crawler Claudius. But Pompous Polonius, hiding behind the draperies overhears Cat Hamlet's secret and inadvertently hissed.  Cat Hamlet, thinking that it was King Creepy Crawler Claudius behind the draperies, attacks.  The drapery railing falls on the head of Pompous Polonius, killing him instantly.  Ragdoll Lady Ophelia goes mad with grief over the death of her sire.  Distracted with sadness, she goes limp in her bathwater and drowns.  Cat Hamlet is sentenced to deportation to another cattery.  The Bengal cats attempt to stuff him into a cat carrier, but he escapes.

ACT 4:  Meanwhile, Ragdoll Lady Ophelia's brother Lord Laertes arrives home from the vet.  He is shocked and beside himself with anger at what happened to his sister and sire.  He challeges Hamlet Cat to a duel.  But he is not so good and accomplished a scratcher as Cat Hamlet, so he plots with King Creepy Crawler Claudius on how to do Cat Hamlet in.  The two decide on poison.  Lord Laertes dipped the tips of his claws in poison in order to kill Hamlet Cat with a mere scratch. As a backup plan, King Creepy Crawler Claudius prepared a poisoned chicken broth to give to Cat Hamlet after the duel.

ACT 5:  The duel date arrives.  The combatants fight with fearful yowlings and fur flying.  During the fight, Lord Leartes - clumsy as ever - inadvertently scratched himself with his own poison-tipped claws! - but not before scratching Hamlet Cat on the nose.  Queen Gorgeous Gertrude, thinking her son was winning, drank a toast to Cat Hamelt's victory - but she drank from the poisoned broth meant for Cat Hamlet.  The poison acts quickly and Queen Gorgeous Gertrude gaggs and vomits and begins to have seizures.  Shocked, Lord Leartes, knowing that both he and Cat Hamlet are likewise doomed, confesses to Cat Hamlet of the poison and the involvement of the King.  In a spate of pure rage, Cat Hamlet grabs Lord Leartes in his jaws and flings him, claws outstrecthed at the King.  Instinctively seeking purchase, Lord Laertes' claws grabbed at the King's face.  Thus posoined, all die:  Lord Laertes, the King and Cat Hamlet.

The curtain falls on this tragedy.

The audience are in tears.

For a preview of the next performance of Hamelt Cat, look here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DbK1eCt97ag

oh, BTW - King Creepy Crawler Claudius' poison of choice was melamine laced with cyanuric acid.

Slow loading did turn out to be the video problem, so with patience, I saw it; a laugh riot!

Maybe Macfishbreath gags his victims with his breath? Don't know right now, ideas usually come to me even later at night than this (if at all), and I'll probably go to town tomorrow and not be online.
I AM thinking about the serious pet food issues, but I just have to have some laughs sometimes!

Not getting alot of ideas on Macbreath yet. Maybe a different play should be the next one?
However, if done with dogs you'd have many fine dog breeds to choose from - collies, border collies, Scottish terriers . . .
Maybe Lassie is tired of being typecast in saintly roles and would like to tackle a bad girl role like Lady Macbreath? or Macfishbreath or Macdogbreath? (OK even I groaned at that one)
BTW I had a Scottish grandfather.
Your version of Cat Hamlet might make a good teaching tool to introduce kids to Shakespeare; kids who think they're not going to like it.