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Don Earl
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« on: September 10, 2008, 12:25:13 PM » |
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With all the hoopla recently, I thought maybe a little humor might lighten the load. There's a section for pet jokes, but it seems to be one joke per board, which makes them hard to read. Heard a good one lately? Or do you have a favorite oldie? Post it here.
The idea is jokes or funny stories you could tell a well mixed, general audience without offending anyone.
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Don Earl
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« Reply #1 on: September 10, 2008, 12:39:36 PM » |
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A man was driving down a country road one day when he noticed a chicken running along side his car. A glance at his speedometer showed the chicken was doing well over 30 MPH. The chicken passed him, took a turn down a dirt road and he noticed it had three legs. He decided to follow it and came to a gate where a farmer was doing some work.
He stopped to talk to the farmer and asked, "What's the deal with the chicken with three legs? I've never seen a chicken run so fast!".
The farmer replied, "Well, you see, it was a genetic experiment. We thought if we could raise chickens with three legs, we figured we could get an extra pair of drumsticks for every two chickens."
"No kidding!", exclaimed the man, "How do they taste."
"Don't know.", said the farmer, "We've never been able to catch one."
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Arlo
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« Reply #2 on: September 10, 2008, 12:43:35 PM » |
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Now that is a groaner. (I love it.)  |
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Don Earl
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« Reply #3 on: September 10, 2008, 12:54:56 PM » |
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It was getting on toward Fall and the elders of the local Indian tribe went to the Chief for advise on how much firewood to collect to last the Winter, as the Chief had a reputation for being able to predict the weather. The Chief advised it wouldn't hurt to pick up a little extra, just in case.
Well, a week went by and the Chief was watching a report from the National Weather Service, which predicted the Winter might be just a little colder than usual. The Chief went to the elders of the tribe and suggested they might want to stock up on a little more on firewood.
Another week passed as the tribe gathered firewood, and again the Chief was watching the National Weather Service. This time, the report called for a much colder Winter than usual. As a result, the Chief advised the tribe to gather more wood.
The following week, the National Weather Service was predicting one of the coldest Winters on record. Puzzled by the changing reports, the Chief called the National Weather Service and asked, "Are you sure this Winter is going to be as cold as you're predicting?".
"Oh yes, we're sure.", replied the weatherman, "The Indians have been gathering firewood like crazy."
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tesla
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« Reply #4 on: September 10, 2008, 03:12:55 PM » |
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Those were good Don Earl, keep them coming |
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Bridgett
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« Reply #5 on: September 10, 2008, 03:59:24 PM » |
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One of my favorites:
What do you call a dehydrated poodle?
Pierre!
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Bridgett and Co
Why do cats always jump on your lap with their claws out? Especially when you are wearing shorts?
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dingbat
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« Reply #6 on: September 10, 2008, 04:43:36 PM » |
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One of my favorites:
What do you call a dehydrated poodle?
Pierre!
bridgett took me about an hour to get that one db |
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I used to think that anyone doing anything weird was weird. I suddenly realized that anyone doing anything weird wasn't weird at all and it was the people saying they were weird that were weird.
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mainecoonpeg
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« Reply #8 on: September 10, 2008, 09:48:44 PM » |
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One day when Bubba and Billy Bob were in the Little Rock Wal-Mart
they decided to get in on the weekly charity raffle.
They each bought five tickets at a dollar a pop.
The following week, when the raffle was drawn, each had won a prize.
Billy Bob won 1st place - a year's supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce and
extra long spaghetti.
Bubba won 6th prize - a toilet brush.
About a week or so had passed when the men met back at Wal-Mart
Bubba asked Billy Bob how he liked his prize, to which Billy Bob replied,
'Great! I love spaghetti!'
Billy Bob asked Bubba, 'How 'bout you, how's the toilet brush?'
'Not so good,' replied Bubba,
'I reckon I'm gonna switch back to paper.'
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If cats could talk......They wouldn't
Tortie cats are like Almond Joys........Very sweet and a little nuts
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JJ
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« Reply #9 on: September 10, 2008, 09:56:20 PM » |
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Good snarky ending on that one Peg, LOL!
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'Life isn't about how to survive the storm,
But how to dance in the rain.'
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Sandi K
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« Reply #10 on: September 10, 2008, 10:32:26 PM » |
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One of my favorites:
What do you call a dehydrated poodle?
Pierre!
OK I just got it! LOL Good one! Lawd Im sloooowwww.  |
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alek0
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« Reply #11 on: September 10, 2008, 10:36:23 PM » |
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Not sure if this counts as a clean joke, but it is a good one:
Q: What did Bill Gates' wife tell him on their wedding night?
A: Now I know why you call your company Micro-soft.
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Don Earl
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« Reply #12 on: September 11, 2008, 01:36:37 PM » |
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A orphans home was in financial trouble and they decided to contact some of the city's more prosperous citizens on a fund raising drive. One volunteer contacted the city's richest attorney, who immediately refused to help.
The attorney explained, "You probably don't know my mother is in a nursing home, and requires around the clock medical care.".
"I'm so sorry.", said the volunteer, "I didn't know that was the situation."
"And", said the attorney, "you probably didn't know my sister's husband was killed in a car accident and is about to lose her home."
"Oh, how awful!", said the volunteer, "I had no idea."
"And", said the attorney, "you probably didn't know my son injured his back playing football, and is in a wheelchair for life."
The poor volunteer was very upset by this tale of woe, when the attorney said, "So, if I wouldn't help any of them, what makes you think I would help you?"
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Bridgett
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« Reply #13 on: September 11, 2008, 08:27:00 PM » |
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DB and Sandi K
Heehee you guys! That is an oldie but a goodie! Pee-air!
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Bridgett and Co
Why do cats always jump on your lap with their claws out? Especially when you are wearing shorts?
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