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Author Topic: FDA Follies-counting mistakes  (Read 2822 times)
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E. Hamilton
Guest
« on: April 29, 2007, 08:40:02 AM »


This thread is going to be for collecting all the "no further recalls", "all the food on the shelves is safe" "we have no clue what is going on" statements. Pretty much everything the FDA has said in the last 6 weeks but I hope to organize by date and then add a link to what really happened or what actually was  true.
Oh yeah, and I think the stuff where the FDA screwed over one of their OWN staff for several years because she did not like animals dying belongs here.
I have an idea how this info can be used.
So post em if you got em and just to start us off here is a recall to make you smile.

    For Immediate Press Release

    The entire staff of the FDA has been recalled. This includes all dates of issue and is a purely precautionary measure.

    Only a few hundred heads have exploded during media events held by the FDA and it is important to note that less than 1% of the American population is affected by this recall. Only 16 of the people whose heads exploded are considered “officially” deceased and the total number of those killed by brain explosion may never be known. Mostly because we are not going to count them.

    Amnesty International has provided proof that allowing the FDA to continue making media releases constitutes torture of a nature that violates the rules of the space time continuum and could result in early heat death of the universe.

    Tests are ongoing to confirm this but results are not in yet, everyone forced to choose between listening to FDA media releases or hop naked into a barrel of rattlesnakes has chosen the snakes.

    The executives of the FDA will be replaced by the 2007 graduating class of Mrs. Dingleberrys’
    School for “Special” Children,most of whom can tie their own shoes and count to almost 12, thus assuring that the high academic standards required of the FDA will be improved by a factor of several hundred percent.

    No further recalls are expected at this time.

    Experienced FEMA staff is being used during the transition and the situation is going almost as smoothly as the evacuation of New Orleans. The American public can rest assured that the food on store shelves is just as safe as it was before the recall, possibly safer.
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nermalsmom
Jr. Member
**
Posts: 43


« Reply #1 on: April 29, 2007, 10:57:00 AM »

Let's begin at the beginning.

Transcript of FDA Press Conference on the Pet Food Recall
March 19, 2007

This is from page 5
(Abigail Goldman, LA Times): Are you able to name the supplier involved?
Stephen Sundlof: I don’t know what the name of the supplier is at this time.

Then on page 10:
(David Curling, ABC News): Thank you again. Back to this wheat gluten and you say you're tracking it
down. Wheat gluten is used in a ton of human food. Has this supplier supplied human food and are humans at risk for renal failure as well?
Stephen Sundlof: I think we checked on the Web site of that company and they indicate in their Web site that they only supply to animals, animal feed so there's no human product according to them. Again, we have to confirm this and check it out but at this point in time it appears that it's only supplied for animal usage.
(David Curling): Okay, this is the company you said you didn't know but you've been to their Web site.
Stephen Sundlof: We don't have confirmation on this one but if it’s the one we think it is then that's what we've learned.
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Lynn
Full Member
***
Posts: 58


« Reply #2 on: May 24, 2007, 10:43:13 PM »

OMG - I never caught that one before. I swear, the statement, "  Okay, this is the company you said you didn't know but you've been to their Web site"   had me laughing so hard there were tears in my eyes.

Keep this up, folks. We need the "entertainment."
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CodyBear
Long-Standing Member
Sr. Member
****
Posts: 391


« Reply #3 on: May 25, 2007, 11:15:46 AM »

Dear FDA,

Please find my enclosed resume.  I have recently learned that there may be some openings at your agency due to firings of workers who did not inspect shipments from foreign countries because the agency required them to do more than is humanly possible.  I would like to apply for any job that may be available. 

Please know that I know when to keep quiet.  I am very good at keeping quiet and I promise to never divulge information that I learn as a result of my employment to anyone at itchmo.com.  I learned that principles and morals only cost someone their job as evidenced by the firings of attorneys at the Justice Department.  I will not make that mistake since I am a quick learner.  Also, since I am cloned, I don't have any relatives or family so I would not become concerned should there be an outbreak of some toxic ingredient in foods.  Being cloned, I offer the unique attribute that I can easily be replaced if I fail to perform to your expectations; and that GMO foods act in my body as vitamins that only enhance and modify my physiology so that if you need me to grow an additional limb, that would be possible.

I will be an asset to your agency since I desperately need the job.  I am unable to travel to Canada very often to get safe food and inexpensive drugs; so I need the additional income that employment at your agency will provide.  I want to purchase a semi-18-wheeler truck, so I can bring a year's worth of foods and medicines for my use into the country all in one trip; and, therefore, reduce my chances of being caught smuggling safe products into the country.

I have many skills that would complement my employment.  I know how to operate a paper-shreader so I would be most effective in shreading letters from Congress or citizens.  I have my own pair of scissors so I could redact documents with efficiency and ease.  I am familiar with the operation of a telephone, so I could easily disconnect anyone who might call to disturb your nap time.  I also have my own computer so I could visit websites of corporations under surveillance to meet your requirements of having done an inspection of them, thereby reducing your overall workload.

Please feel free to contact me.  I am available for an interview at your convenience.

Sincerely,

Prisoner #12987307
Cell # 1508
United States Department of Corrections



« Last Edit: May 25, 2007, 11:34:01 AM by CodyBear » Logged
dingbat
Long-Standing Member
Hero Member
****
Posts: 2282

That which does not kill us makes us stronger


« Reply #4 on: May 25, 2007, 03:59:52 PM »

"Only a few hundred heads have exploded during media events held by the FDA"

I keep having to glue mine back together after every one of them. Tongue Today's Interim Rick Assessment did it again and I am now in the process of finding pieces to stick back on again. Grin

For those of you not aware of today's FDA thing, go to

http://www.petconnection.com/blog/category/2007-food-recall/

and read it and weep. Cry

I have read it 3 times and still can not believe my eyes.

BOOM Tongue there it goes again, brain matter everywhere Tongue

db Smiley

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I used to think that anyone doing anything weird was weird. I suddenly realized that anyone doing anything weird wasn't weird at all and it was the people saying they were weird that were weird.
Carol
Hero Member
*****
Posts: 3200


« Reply #5 on: January 07, 2008, 05:08:00 PM »

I know this is an old topic, but it caught my eye now that Harry is readying himself for his possible new positon with the FDA under President Poco (yes, that's right, he's sleeping on the couch now) I wanted to bring this back for those who did not read it before!!! 
Guranteed to  Roll Eyes

Carol Wink
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“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.” — Margaret Mead

United we stand     Divided we fall....
Cathy
Full Member
***
Posts: 68

Hunter 4/9/01-4/11/07


« Reply #6 on: January 08, 2008, 09:38:05 PM »

Has anyone heard from E Hamilton?  She used to post alot on petconnection and then just stopped.  Her posts always made me feel better.  Are you out there E?
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...he will be our friend for always and always and always.
Rudyard Kipling
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