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Author Topic: Farewell my beautiful boy  (Read 29918 times)
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JoMax
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« on: August 30, 2009, 04:12:44 AM »

My lovely Max cat is gone - he was a soldier with so much spirit.  I'd helped him struggle with the onset of CRF for 2 years - then suddenly a totally new, unforeseen condition caught us both out.  His brain started fitting every 4-5 hours and my poor kitty was getting weaker & taking longer to 'come back' each time, after a day of increasing distress & confusion as to what had happened to him we decided it was his time.

It always feels unfair when they go, but this seems doubly unjust - something I had no experience of grabbed him from me - too quick to address, too quick to prepare for the loss. I was ready to help him cope with the end stages due to CRF but because it was something new I have loads of guilt & regret that I could have somehow found a solution for him & I've failed him.  I dread even looking up the condition to see if there was something simple I missed which could have saved/cured him.  (We did loads of tests at the vet the first day and ruled out CRF toxicity - his counters were still well low, all the usual stuff was fine - pottasium, calcium, etc.  The vet was sure this was an unrelated brain problem and although he gave us the option to treat with supressent drugs pointed out that for the frequency of fits the dosage would be very high and most likely cause him to be 'absent' most of the time.)

Please don't anyone tell me right now there were other options - I'm only just holding together as it is.  When some time has passed I will research brain conditions so I know all about it should I ever be able to bring myself to fill the enourmous hole in the house and in my heart again.

Sorry to go on so long for such a 'newbie' member.  Please bear with me and let me add his memorial poem:

  EVERY DAY

  You are with me
  every day when I stroll round the garden with my morning tea
  every day when I sit at the computer with my breakfast
  (muesli with greek yoghurt!)
  every time I come home I hear you wake and greet me
  every time I go to the kitchen you follow me

  Every day you are there when I wake
  - meoowwowwrup -
  walking over my pillow

  Every evening on the sofa with me
  and every night lying on your cushion as I say goodnight
  and give you pussycat blessings

  You are with me
  looking up, rubbing your head against me, purring,
  playing, loving
  being loved
  forever









* max1.JPG (24.46 KB, 512x384 - viewed 342 times.)
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"I can think of many ways in which I would become a better person if I were more like my cats. But I cannot think of a single way in which my cats would be any better for being more like me."  A.N.Wilson
catmom5
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« Reply #1 on: August 30, 2009, 04:22:29 AM »

I am so very sorry about Max's passing. The only thing I am going to say is that the decision you made was made out of your love for him, and because of that it was the "right" one to make. There is no doubt that he knew that and is once again healthy and free at the Rainbow Bridge.

Please be gentle with yourself as you grieve his passing. Part of the grieving process is that dreaded questioning and wondering "what if" or "should I have" stage. Most of us here have been where you are (some of us several times). I found that time and talking helped me.

I'd love to hear more about him, as you feel you are able to share.

Godspeed, Angel Max

catmom5
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wicked fate
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« Reply #2 on: August 30, 2009, 04:41:46 AM »

I am so sorry to hear about your Max. I agree with Catmon. He is now a healthy kitty.

Rest in peace sweet Angel Max.
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Rest in peace my sweet baby boy Angelus...now you can heal and be your tabby self...angeluscat.wordpress.com
kittylyda
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« Reply #3 on: August 30, 2009, 04:51:05 AM »

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss of Max.
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Spartycats
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« Reply #4 on: August 30, 2009, 05:00:59 AM »

I'm sorry that you rejoin us here under such sad circumstances, but it's obvious you spent the last year loving, and taking very good care of Max.  I hope you won't second guess yourself, or research too much, but rather come to the peace that Max enjoys now, and remember your decision was made out of love and concern for the quality of his life.

Your poem to Max is just lovely.  Thank you for sharing his picture.

Godspeed Max.  Comfort to you, his loving caregiver.
 
« Last Edit: August 31, 2009, 07:19:22 AM by Spartycats » Logged
JustMe
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« Reply #5 on: August 30, 2009, 06:08:45 AM »

I'm truly sorry for your loss, JoMax.  {{hugs}} What a handsome boy.   Cry

Rest in Peace, Max.   Kiss
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Eventually they will understand,
Replied the glorious cat
For I will whisper into their hearts
That I am always with them
I just am....forever and ever and ever.
Poem for Cats, author unknown

"A kitten in the animal kingdom is like a rosebud in a garden", author unknown
catbird
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« Reply #6 on: August 30, 2009, 06:23:50 AM »

I am so, so sorry for the loss of your beloved Max.  It sounds as though he had a fine, long life with you.  May you find comfort in knowing that you loved him well.  {{{hugs}}}

Godspeed, dear Max.

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lesliek
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« Reply #7 on: August 30, 2009, 07:03:49 AM »

I am so sorry for your loss. Max was a very handsome boy and I know you must be missing him terribly. As catmom said,you did your best and based your decision on what was best for Max. I am sure he knows this and he is waiting for you at the rainbow bridge,happy and healthy again. Wishing you peace of mind and happy memories. I will light a candle for Angel Max.
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bug
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RIP little angel Katey


« Reply #8 on: August 30, 2009, 07:16:52 AM »

JoMax,

The only option any of us ever have when our little ones are so ill is to end their suffering. That doesn't always include pills and tests until you can figure out what's wrong. As I have learned, first hand, sometimes the treatment is worse than the end. I hope that you do not second guess yourself as everything you did for Max was because you loved him so much. He knows that and though you'll miss him very much on this earth, he will always be watching over you, waiting to see you again.
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My little babies, you'll always be in my heart. Mom will see you later. Look after each other, ok?
caylee
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« Reply #9 on: August 30, 2009, 07:17:24 AM »

I'm so sorry that Max has left you for the Bridge, but he is still with you in your heart. Please don't feel guilty for making that decision. You did it because you loved him so much and couldn't bare seeing him suffer any more. His quality of life would have been greatly diminished had he been 'zoned out' most of the time with heavy meds.

I've found it helpful to put a picture of my kitties who have gone on before into a small frame and hold it close to my heart as a reminder of the love that we have shared. It helps to be able to talk to them, hug them, and kiss them even in the picture form.

The first few weeks are the hardest to get through when your grief is so fresh, but there is a time when you will begin to smile as you remember all of love that you both have shared together.

Hugs
« Last Edit: August 30, 2009, 12:30:30 PM by caylee » Logged
JoMax
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« Reply #10 on: August 30, 2009, 10:17:11 AM »

Thank you everyone for your thoughts and support - to both me & Max.

Catmom - thanks for asking me to share some about his life - sorry if this isnt the right place in the forum, but here goes:

Max came to me at 4 months old, 19 years ago - I had just split with my husband and moved to a little rented house where I was only allowed 2 cats. My ex was making it impossible for me to take my beloved old tabby boy with me (although I did take his sister) and I was desperately waiting for him to relent.

A friend of my sister's who worked for Social Services had rescued 2 kittens from an abused client so my sister suggested I take one. I said I couldn't possibly take another cat as I was waiting for my old Tigger to join me.  My wise sister (who knew how unlikely this would be) said - 'OK, just foster one for a while & I'll help you rehome him when Tigger comes'

So Max came home with me on 27 Aug 1990.  He left on 27 August 2009.

In those 19 years he gave me unquestioning love and companionship - I moved house so often we shared 8 homes together and his presence was always what made them home.
He was there to comfort me through several disastrous relationships, and when I moved out of the last 5 years ago & finally 'grew' & established myself it was the presence of my cats, Max especially, that helped me find contentment with myself & my life.
4 years ago Mark came into our lives - a kind, loving man who absolutely fell for Max - at last someone who thought & cared for my cats the way I did (& is of course as devestated & bereft as me).  
I am so pleased that Max had 2 loving bipeds through his final years - he deserved that double love - and I think it helped him stay with us so long.

Over the past 2.5 years we had various problems - he'd had flu as a kitten so his sinuses blocked whenever he got a bit coldy meaning he'd not want to eat properly for weeks.
He had several lots of tests / x-rays - often with sedation as he freaked so much with the vet (until I changed vet last Sept).  June 2007 he was diagnosed with the start of CRF.
He had all his teeth out 2 years ago - another heavy anaesthetic, but worthwhile as his eating improved greatly after.

Although an absolute pussycat with people (vet excepted!) he dived in against any intruding cat in his territory - even when old & without teeth! Two years ago my sister 'sat' whilst we were on hols - one morning she had to leap out of the bath & rush naked down the garden to separate him from next door's siamese!
For the last year we've supervised all garden sorties since the day we came home & found him in shock with blood pouring from two bites in his neck.  

He went off renal diet after the first 6 months (triggered by another coldy bout) and despite the vet's opposition I refused to try & force him to eat it - and in the 1.5 years since, on ordinary 'senior' food, chicken and whatever treats were needed at the time, the kidney deterioration didn't escalate any worse than expected for renal diet.  
I nagged the vet to try him on fortekor - since which, and with a new more proactive vet from last Sept - who added phosphate binders, regular Vit-B & steriod jabs to the treatment program, my Max was quite happy/healthy - until this summer when the coldy bouts started again - he was just getting over the second when the fitting started.

Sorry so long, its hard to condense - but I hope it also encourages others with CRF cats.

This is him being incorrigible with my b/f - they used to share Marmite over breakfast!






* Marmite.JPG (28.95 KB, 922x589 - viewed 347 times.)
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"I can think of many ways in which I would become a better person if I were more like my cats. But I cannot think of a single way in which my cats would be any better for being more like me."  A.N.Wilson
catmom5
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« Reply #11 on: August 30, 2009, 10:47:28 AM »

What a wonderful story - thanks for sharing it.

We actually have a section called "The Den" where we share stories and photos of our pets (and other critters who wander into our lives). Please continue to share your 'Max stories' with us. And please share those of our pets, too.

(Although I am a moderator, I'm the token technologically impaired moderator   Embarrassed so I'm thinking that someone more skilled might move your thread to The Den.)

I'm sure that your lives feel pretty empty with Max gone right now, but when you're ready, you may just find another cat/kitten who needs you. That seems to happen a lot . . . and Max will no doubt have some part in it, too.

catmom5
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Carol
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« Reply #12 on: August 30, 2009, 10:58:03 AM »

JoMax...I am so sorry for your loss...it is nice to read about Max...this forum is one place that will surely care about you and the loss of Max and welcome whatever is needed to ease your pain...for some, like me, it is easy to write about our loved ones and help the pain...I hope to read more about Max... Cry Kiss

I am glad you found this forum...it is a blessing...
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petslave
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« Reply #13 on: August 30, 2009, 12:07:30 PM »

I'm so sorry you lost your Max kitty.  He sounds like he was a wonderful companion to you over many years and many life changes.  I'm sure it will take a while to get through the worst of missing him and be able to think of the long time you two had together without it hurting so much.  Peace to you in your period of grieving.  As others have said, be gentle on yourself about your final decision for Max.  I think you will find with time that you knew what was truly right for him, even though it might not seem like it now.
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Meowli
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« Reply #14 on: August 30, 2009, 12:17:27 PM »

I am so sorry for your loss of Max. Please take comfort in knowing that you gave him a wonderful life in a loving home and he is waiting with all our other angels at Rainbow Bridge.

Meowli
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