Remember how I always tell everyone to keep an eye out for signs that our fuzzy little angels are around?

The last couple of nights I've been lighting a candle in a lantern I have in my apple tree hoping that Bones will come visit. Last night when I went to bed, I was upset again and crying because my boy wasn't in bed with me -- he always slept beside me on my pillow with both his paws on my hand (I'm a stomach sleeper and always have one hand beside the pillow).

Well, Mia heard me crying and jumped up on the bed. She can tell when I'm sad or sick and she sometimes comes to console me -- for a few minutes, anyway. She usually sleeps at my feet with her sister Pip. Last night, she came right up to me, close to my head, put one of her paws on my hand and looked at me. When I thanked her, she stretched out the other paw as well, put it on my hand and put her head down to sleep on both paws. Just like Bones always did. I fell asleep with her immediately and the next time I woke up, she was still there. Right beside me. This is not usual behavior for her. I can only believe that my baby boy was watching and asked her to comfort me. What a wonderful bunch I have. Angels on earth and in heaven.

    Yes, yes - they do that... our Angel kitties whisper in our other pets' ears the things that will comfort us... many here I know can entirely relate...

I'm so glad that you were comforted last night, Bug.

Bones, thank you for comforting you momma!  I too understand what you mean.... I thought I was crazy, trying to over read things but it has happened to me many times too with Leeah.  I think your right, I always used to wonder... try to understand, never really thought about how it could be that they were asked to do things (out of thier norm) to bring us comfort.  Yes, I understand, and you made me smile! Thank you little Bones and Cato!  Thank you for that beautiful story...

A beautiful experience, Bug, and one I believe shows just how perceptive and caring these little animals really are.

{{{Hugs}}}

I'm so very sorry for your loss. I loved seeing the photos of your kitty Bones, what a handsome cat. It's a tough thing you are going through. It hurts.

My thoughts and condolences go out to you as you grieve,

Rikki

Thanks for all your kind thoughts, everyone. What I have to say is rather lengthy so feel free not to read, I just have to "talk" it out.

I continue to be up and down over this, sometimes, so down that my dh doesn't know what to do. The sweetheart got up this morning and cooked breakfast -- something he never does and he fried up the fresh-caught pickerel from his fishing trip for us and my mom this evening. Such a wonderful dinner. I had been inconsolable last night and then Pip came to sleep beside me and once again, I figured Bones sent her because she usually sleeps at my feet as well.

Bones was such a strong presence. His personality dominated over everything. He was a cat, with the personality and smarts of a human and a voice like a sqeaky, cackling monkey (I often called him Mr. Cackleberry). He seldom meowed. He was the leader of the pack and now the pack doesn't know what to do. We all kind-of have to redefine ourselves. I don't know what to do with my time, now. I was so used to keeping track of meds, listening to his heartbeat, timing his breathing, feeding him, taking him outside and just interacting and having fun with him. I'm so lost.

Pip is obviously stressed -- she's been chewing her fur on her legs and belly. This started a couple of weeks ago, so she felt our stress and this is how it came out for her. I hope it goes away soon. Mia is glad dh is back, but I think that she figures Bones would have come back with him. She was acting weird today, so I had her outside longer than usual to give her something to do. Those two have their own sweet personalities, but there isn't a clear leader like Bones was. They like each other's company, but they don't truly interact. Bones was always wrestling with Mia and nipping at Pip's heels. He'd cuddle with both of them -- like a true Cassanova and they'd play hard-to-get. Now, there's none of that. It makes me sad.

Katey, on the other hand, is happier than I've seen her in a looong time. Bones always terrorized her -- right from the day I got him. He was just a year old and only wanted to be friends, and when she gave him a definite no, he decided to despise her for the rest of the time he was on this earth.

I know that had I not taken him in, he would have either starved to death or wound up at the humane society where he may have been euthanised because he was in bad shape and a black cat to boot (not the most popular color). I know he could not have found a better home anywhere in Canada (that's what I like to think, anyway). I know not many people would have gone to the lengths I have to keep him going over this past 15 months (since diagnosis). And I know not everyone would have had a private cremation with a specially engraved urn for their little boy. I did everything I could possibly have done keeping his wishes in mind and I should have no regrets about the life I gave him. I wish I could be so happy about that. But I just can't seem to. My baby is gone. I miss him so much.

"There's a hole in my heart that can only be filled by you. And this hole in my heart can't be filled with the things I do."

-- Extreme, Hole Hearted

bug have been where you are now - with a What Do I Do Now and the answer for me was just silence as my former girl, Lady, was a one dog to a household princess samoyed. It takes a while to find yourself again after having lovingly cared for a pet for so long. Love the other ones more now as they will look to you and DH for help in dealing with their own loss of Bones.